What is it? Passive aggression.

Aggression = anger, 

Toxic masculinity

Passive = Quiet, tentative, indecisive, lacking confidence

Combine them to get “quiet anger”… 

Passive aggression is a type of indirect aggression. It allows a person to express anger and related emotions without directly communicating these feelings. People expressing passive aggression often retain the ability to deny that they intended their behavior aggressively.

That’s when things get weird. 

PA is common in people who repress their feelings, lack confidence, or are subordinate. Unfortunately, that means it’s prevalent in women and gay men, especially those attracted to older big more dominate men. GYO I’m talking to you. 

As I said it’s not one behavior but a collection of behaviors or traits that indicate PA, so just because you catch someone in a lie or them lashing out for no reason doesn’t mean it was PA. 

If you have these traits or know someone who does, you can start the much needed work to correct this behavior. 

1. Ghosting – nothing more PA than ghosting. 
2. Being late instead of being clear or saying they don’t want to they will just drag their feet and wait till the last minute to do it. 
3. Silence – the silent treatment is a clear indication of PA
4. Excuses – if they aren’t honest or clear and you get a boatload of excuses
5. Sarscam – to cover or mislead away from the truth about how you feel. 
6. Backhanded complements – ‘look good today, I’m surprised.’, or ‘I was actually able to enjoy the night with you.’   
7. Insists you just misunderstood them.
8. Talks to uninvolved parties about what’s wrong to vent

So where does it come from?

People pleasing, or growing up in an angry or violent house hold where it was safer or better to be quiet, or constantly getting shutdown or overruled regardless of the topic or idea. 

How to fix it?

See a therapist and address your fear of speaking up. Why fear, and methods for entering conflict so you can feel safe while addressing issues that bug you. 

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