folder Filed in Advice, Ask The Old Gay Dude, Relationships
I found my boyfriend on Grindr
Ask The Old Gay Dude
The Old Gay Dude comment 0 Comments

Hey Old Gay Dude,

I found my boyfriend on Grindr. I’m having a Panic attack. His profile was on Grindr this morning, relationship status [single] and the same bio as when I met him three months ago. We haven’t seen each other much recently because of his new job. I had this strong feeling to reinstall Grindr again and check because I haven’t heard from him. I have no idea what to feel right now. I thought he loved me the same way I love him. I just feel confused and betrayed. I would like to text or at least talk to him about it. I just don’t know when or how. I would rather not text him for fear he won’t respond. So maybe talk on the phone?
I feel fucking stupid…

Why are dudes like this?

Silverfoxie 3 column ad

Hi WADLT,

Sorry to hear about your craptastic relationship situation. First you met in the last three months and you haven’t been seeing each other because he has ‘a new job’. Think back and correct me if I’m wrong, he wasn’t that serious and was having some fun with you. You approached this in a very naive way. By telling him you loved him you were hoping to seal the deal. It doesn’t work like that. Telling him you ’love’ him probably caused him to be less responsive.  Seems like you threw everything at this guy and he just wasn’t that in to you. 
Rule # 7 Don’t tell guys you love them if you want them to be in to you. More important, it really sounds like you two never had the talk. Rule #8. You can’t be hurt that he is on Grindr if you never talked about being exclusive or monogamous. Wallowing about cheating when in fact you haven’t committed to be exclusive is just that, wallowing.
If you want to try to fix this you need to cool off and realize he did nothing wrong. Be cool, call him and see if he wants to get together. If he does, date him as if you aren’t yet committed each other, because you aren’t. After a few months ask him if he wants to be more serious about the each other. Finally only after months of dating, ask him if he wants to only fuck each other going forward, as in ‘a monogamous couple’. Don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t want to be involved because it sounds like you came on really strong and chased him away.

The Old Gay Dude

Got Questions for The Old Gay Dude? Oh yes you do! Send your questions: theOGD@gyo.is